One. Hundred. Ounces.

Springfield to Houston

In retrospect, turning right was probably a poor choice

In the midwest, the statement “you are what you eat,” rings true.  The restaurant of choice is the buffet, the food of choice is, more often than not, fried, and the people’s waistlines reflect these unhealthy diets.  A large contributor to the caloric intake of midwesterners is the soft drink.  I’ve been blown away by the prices (miniscule) and sizes (massive) of the gas station soft drinks in this part of the country.  People fill up their 64 ounce soda mugs for as cheap as $0.79.  That’s more than 5 cans of high-fructose corn (CORN) syrup-saturated soda for less than a dollar.  No wonder so many people drink soda—it’s cheaper than bottled water! 

Anyway, Dave and I had been laughing at these monstrous soft drink sizes, and had been looking for a refillable mug with the name of a town on it for the past few states.  We had yet to find a perfect one, but today, at the (local gas station convenience store chain) Kum and Go in Marshfield, I spotted one.  I went in looking for a 64 ounce mug, but what I found was so, so, so much better.  

When I walked through the Kum and Go doors, I scanned the store for the fountain soda machine, and then headed in that direction.  A pyramid of plastic insulated soda mugs sat next to the machine, just waiting to be purchased and filled with pop, as they call it out here.  I scanned the 18 ounce, the 32 ounce, and the 64 ounce mugs, looking for the perfect “Kum and Go” emblazoned mug.  However, perched atop the smaller mugs was something better: a 100 ounce mug.  One hundred ounces?  ONE HUNDRED OUNCES.  Awestruck, I picked up the monstrosity, called “Humugous,” and laughed at its existence.  “I think I need this,” I proclaimed out loud.  A man filling up his 32 ouncer turned to me and said,

“Humugous is right!  And you’ll be humugous, too, if ya drink all that!”  He patted his belly and continued, “I gained 35 pounds when I started drinkin’ this, so be careful.”  I quickly did the math, calculating the 100 ounces to be over 8 sodas times 140, or about 1200 calories.  1200 extra calories a day from high-fructose corn syrup?  I’d gain a pound every three days.  That’s scary.

I thought about this for a few seconds and then did what any self-respecting person would do.  I brought it to the cash register, gave the clerk $8.50, and then brought my raccoon-sized mug to the Sprinter.  It sat on the passenger seat for the rest of the day—my little travel companion now that Austin’s back on the bike. 

That's real (and filled with water)

Missouri does, at least, have pretty rolling hills!